As with anything sexual, it’s better to go a bit too slow than too fast

“As with any kind of sexual act, it’s best to ask your partner’s consent to bite them,” says Riel. “Not every person has the same kinks, and it’s best to make sure you’re both on the same page before continuing. If your partner is suggesting things that you wouldn’t enjoy or are afraid of in terms of BDSM or biting, let them know that. It can be extremely enjoyable for some, but not everyone.”

“Don’t break skin immediately,” advises Riel. “If you’re both into it rough, ease into it. Going full force can cause injuries and scars that just won’t be sexy for either of you.”

Establish Boundaries

With the act of biting, it’s important to have a sense of what is and isn’t OK before getting into it.

Once you’ve begun biting, follow-up questions are a good idea. Riel suggests asking things like “‘Does this hurt?’ and ‘Is this too hard?’ just to double check you’re not hurting your partner.”

While those questions might be particularly important the first time you engage in biting, that doesn’t mean that you’ll immediately understand your partner’s pain tolerance for all future biting sessions. In particular, if you’re biting a woman, hormonal fluctuations during her menstrual cycle will likely have a significant impact on how sensitive her nipples are.

Riel also thinks that picking a safe word (or safe gesture, if the person being bitten is being gagged in some way) is a good idea.

“With any form of BDSM, it’s good to have a safe word for when the action gets too intense,” she says. “Choose a word that you both will recognize if the person being bitten is in any kind of pain, when the bite-ey says it, stop any and all forms of biting. This way, you can establish limits for when you’re engaging in this type of sexual play at another time.”

Don’t Bite Carelessly

Unsurprisingly, sexual biting can be done wrong. Even if you start slow with established consent and boundaries, it’s still possible to cause real harm if you’re not clear on which parts of the body can be bitten and how.

“Ask where it is OK to bite,” says Play . “Some people love having their shoulders bitten, others hate the nerve that can get tweaked there. Some people love having their inner thighs bitten cause of the erotic location, while others are sensitive there.”

Talk to your partner about “the difference between a light nip of a bite (less teeth, less hard), and full chomp (all your teeth, biting hard enough to leave an imprint,” he adds.

“Incorporate kissing and licking into it,” she suggests. “Don’t just bite everywhere with no seduction. Kiss and bite periodically on their body to show how into it you are, and to build anticipation.

Be Careful About Leaving a Mark

Some people consider erotic marks to be a big plus of sexual biting, but for others, they’re a no-no. For that reason, you shouldn’t take it for granted that your partner is dying to have evidence of your biting left over after the sex has ended.

“Ask about marks and bruises,” says Play. “You’d be surprised how easy it is to leave a huge bruise with one bite, so ask if marks are OK.”

But what about if your partner really is begging you to leave sex bite marks all over them? Love-bite sex can be a bit more tricky, as you’ll want to make sure not to mark up any parts of their body that are usually exposed. That also means picking spots that will be good for a bite from a logistical point of view, according to Lords.